Spam

(At rise we see a couple at home. The WIFE is lounged on her side, reading a    magazine with the television on. The HUSBAND concentrates on his lap top. The doorbell rings. The HUSBAND springs to the front door and is met by two elderly women, one with a book, the other with some fliers.)

FIRST WOMAN

Good morning, sir. How are you today?

HUSBAND
(to both)

I am well.  How are you? Beating this heat, I hope.

BOTH WOMEN

Fine...fine, sir...oh yes...thanks...thank you.

HUSBAND

Can I get you a drink? Bottle of water? It's right inside.

BOTH WOMEN

No...no, thank you...no sir...thank you 

         
(HUSBAND nods as if they answered correctly.)

FIRST WOMAN

We're here from the Seventh Day Kingdom Assembly in Maspeth and would love for you to join us in a scripture reading this morning.

HUSBAND

Oh, well, thank you, but my wife and I are Jewish.

      
(HUSBAND indicates the mezuzah in the doorway.)

SECOND WOMAN

That's alright, sir. We read His message with members of all faiths.

HUSBAND

But we're Jews. God...he chose us. It's all settled, really. The rest of you are just, kinda, playing for fun.

       
(The FIRST WOMAN looks at the mezuzah. The SECOND WOMAN starts flipping    through her book, which she drops, but recovers at once.)

FIRST WOMAN

Well, enjoy your day, sir.

       
(She turns down the brick walkway.)

SECOND WOMAN

Here's a flier.

        
(She follows after her companion.)

Watch your step over there. 

        
(A phone rings offstage as the HUSBAND watches the women walk away and closes the door behind them.)

HUSBAND 

 Who's that?

WIFE

From Colorado. Some 1-800 number. Probably a telemarketer or something.

HUSBAND

(into a jog)

 Throw me that phone.

CURTAINS.